We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
