Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
