She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
