how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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