So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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