God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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