Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
