Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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