ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Two words: blizzard sex
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
