I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
