he shaved USA in his pubs
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
cat food counts as protein by the way
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
