how can u be prego again
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
