His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
