I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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