i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
