just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
