I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
