Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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