Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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