i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
