ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
