morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
