I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
