So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
