Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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