I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
