ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
