sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
