I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
