you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize