if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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