Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
