I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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