so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
