and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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