in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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