More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
