I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
