Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
