The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
