i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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