Your face is a jimmy john
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
