I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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