It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
