Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
