im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
