If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Randomize
