no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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