I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
