I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
