Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
