so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
