you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
