i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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