Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
