Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
